SOTD: ELVIS COSTELLO- "I WANT YOU"

 

   Well it's one of those times in life again, when your heart is shattered in a million pieces and you want a red wine IV drip, more chocolate than the local grocery store carries, and the saddest songs to listen to so you can wallow in misery enjoying the heartache. Elvis Costello's "I want you" is a perfect song for that. Maybe not quite the sob fest that other songs are, but listen to that next time you break up and then come back and tell me if that song wasn't just perfect for crying yourself to sleep with.

   Was it late January, or early February last year? Something like that. My heart had just received a blow from the same man who shattered it again yesterday. I was sitting on my usual table at my usual bar, having my unusual bourbon, and looking outside the window. The snow was beautiful, I was cold, too cold for my woolen sweater and layers of cotton tops and jacket on top to warm me. Maybe because the cold was coming from inside. I was the only customer and it was a perfect evening. Then on came the song, and with every word, it sank deeper and deeper in until my chest was heavy and my throat was aching with a sob that wouldn't come out. I did not know how much I needed this song until it happened. The pain of loss and obsessive love are so beautifully woven together that, as simple as it may seem, it perfectly expresses the feelings that are so hard to articulate, like the depseration, the hopelessness, the complete abandon into a love that is so unhealthy and so, so addicting. Maybe now you see why I ended up with the same man again. And if you're thinking that my love life does not sound very sane, or healthy, or good for me, you're absolutely right. But let's not fool ourselves, if I were given the chance, no matter what grand wonds I may profess now in my rage-fuelled hurt, I would most definitely just plunge myself face first into the same fucking shit for a third time. And then come back to listen to this same fucking song AGAIN and sob. I'm rational like that.

   1986, Blood and Chocolate, Elvis Costello and the Attractions. I am told it is quite famous as a first dance wedding reception song. I am baffled and just as disturbed as I would be if someone would choose Motley Crue's "You're all I need" as the first song to dance to as a married couple. It's just not the kind of song that you want to flavour your reationship with.

   The pain of breakup is one of the most addicting and perverse pleasures in life. As horrible as it feels, you have an insatiable urge to feed it, grow it, poke at the wound constantly to produce fresh blood, and indulge in. The bittersweet taste it leaves you, like blood and chocolate. Indulge in the song, as you would with your bleeding heart.